FAWNING

Fawning is a trauma response, that is far less talked about.

The brain chooses this response when you can't fight or flight, freeze won't work, and so the best way to stay safe is to fawn; to be submissive, to abandon your needs, to people please and appease, in the hope that it prevents an aggressive or abusive individual being upset, disappointed or angry with you, so you can avoid conflict, citicism, disapproval or harm.

Fawning can often be a response that is instinctively first learnt in childhood, by children growing up in an emotionally abusive, neglectful or unpredicatable environment. It can be a clever childhood survival strategy, to help them stay safe in their formative years. The belief being if I neglect my needs and behave in a certain way, I will be ok.

However, as the child grows up, they end up not really knowing what they want or need, because they are so focused on the needs of others around them. This can make their adult life really difficult to navigate. They can end up over giving, working really hard to prove themselves, being overly accountable for the feelings of others, not speaking up for themselves, and tolerating unhealthy relationship dynamics. Ultimately they can develop codependency, end up in abusive or emotionally neglectful relationships, and suffer from emotional burn out and chronic physical health conditions.

Healing will involve them learning to reconnect to their true self, building their self worth and inner confidence, recognising their needs and wants, finding their voice to express them, and feeling safe to set strong healthy boundaries to enforce them.

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